Resource (Foster) Parent Grief

Saying farewell to a child/ren you have parented or loved can feel unbearable. Whether a child is reunifying, being adopted, or just moving placements, goodbyes are hard on departing children, the entire family, and also siblings in the home. Sometimes parents may also feel guilt or relief along with grief. Preparing for transitions and working through grief is essential! Below find tools and support for helping everyone navigate this difficult time. Please also reference our Find a Therapist, Couples & Caregiving, Grief & Loss and Parent & Professional Care pages for more resources.

“For many foster parents who have devoted a significant portion of their time and heart to a child, watching a child walk out of their door months or years later signaling a potential abrupt and forever goodbye is devastating. " ~Jillana Goble, foster adopt parent, No Sugar Coating, available in ORPARC's library

Websites

Ambiguous Loss - Pauline Boss - author in ORPARC's library
Grief - David Kessler - author in ORPARC's library
What's Your Grief - articles & resources for many types of grief

Recommended Books & Articles

Grief, Loss & Goodbye-related Materials available in ORPARC's library include Children's Materials, ORPARC's new Resource Parent Goodbyes & Grief packet, Transitions Materials (including the Transitions packet), and books by foster-adoptive parent & author Jillana Goble

Are We Living in 'Grief Limbo'? How to Cope With Ambiguous Loss? by Beth Tyson, LLC - author in ORPARC's library
Being the Keeper of Your Foster Child's Story by A Musing Maralee
Coping with the Loss of a Child in Care by Foster the City
Equipping Foster Parents to Actively Support Reunification by AdoptUSKids
Goodbye is Coming by Natalie Kristeen
How Can I Cope When My Foster Child Leaves? by Derek Williams
How to Deal with the Grief of Reunification by Heather Morrow
Permanency is a Process: Transitioning a Child From Your Home by Indiana Adoption Program
Saying Goodbye in Foster Care by fgi4kids
Saying Goodbye to the Foster Child I Fell in Love With by Jiyer
Dr. John DeGarmo (has books in ORPARC's library including The Foster Parenting Manual)
What Ambiguous Loss Is and How To Deal With It by Cleveland Clinic
When Foster Parents Experience Grief by Susan B. Edelstein, Dorli Burge and Jill Waterman, Washington Department of Children & Families
Understanding Separation, Loss and the Grief Response by Jayne Wilson, BC Foster Parents

Trainings

Strategies for More Child-Oriented Transitions by Dr. Redmond Reams
Transitions: When Children Have to Move by Robyn Gobbel - author & trainer in ORPARC's library

Faith-inspired

Crawling Through Grief by The Forgotten Initiative
Goodbye My Daughter by My Lovely Crazy Life
The Grief & Joy of Reunification by Project 127
Losing a Foster Child: Reunification Grief by Worth Beyond Rubies
Loving & Grieving as a Foster Parent by Grace Bible Church

Siblings Specific

The Heartbreak of Saying Goodbye to our Foster Daughter/Sister: An Oregon Mother-Son Perspective kindly contributed by dear friends of ORPARC
Loss, Grief and Moving Forward in Foster Care by Transfiguring Adoption
Put Your Brave On: Helping Children Say Goodbye to a Foster Sibling by fgi4kids
Saying Goodbye to Foster Kids (from adopted son's perspective) by Let's Go Dad (video)

Culturally specific

Grief Through the Lens: Latino Culture by Eluna
How grief may show up in POC (People of Color) by Roma Williams, LMFT-S
How People Of Color Can Experience Grief Differently Than White People by Alica Forneret
How To Parent & Grieve at the Same Time as a Black American by Mekel Harris

Videos & Podcasts

Addressing Grief & Loss in Your Support of Adoptive, Foster & Kinship Families by AdoptUSKids (video)
Are You Experiencing Anticipatory Grief as a Foster Parent? by Arizona Family Counseling (podcast)
The Bitter & Sweet of Foster Care Reunification with Jamie Finn on Adoption Connection (podcast)
Caregiver Spotlight on Grief & Loss by Vermont Child Welfare Training Partnership (podcast)
Colorado Foster Parents Get Real: Grief and Goodbye (video)
Experiencing Grief & Loss as a Foster Parent by Be The Village (video)
Foster Care: The Kids are Going Home by Foster Action (video)

Parent Goodbyes & Grief packet

Hear from others who have weathered tough transitions in our Resource (Foster) Parent Goodbyes & Grief packet!

Recommended Reading for Goodbyes with Kids

Goodbye, Friend! Hello, Friend! by Cori Doerrfeld & en español

A Kiss Goodbye by Audrey Penn

Room in the Nest: An inclusive foster care story to explain fostering, reunification, kinship care, adoption, long term foster care & the family by Holly Marlow

What is Adoption? by Jeanette Yoffe & en español