Infertility & Pregnancy Loss Grief

The pain of infertility can linger indefinitely. Before fostering or adopting, it is imperative to work through infertility and/or pregnancy loss and grief. While foster care or adoption can be a wonderful way to love and care for children, it does not make this grief and loss disappear. Find support below to assist you on this journey. Please also reference our Find a Therapist, Grief & Loss, Mindfulness, Regulation & Resilience, Parent & Professional Care, and Resource Parent Grief pages for more resources.

"The secret to coping with the pain of an uncertain loss, regardless of culture or personal beliefs, is to avoid feeling helpless. This is accomplished by working to change what we can and accepting what we cannot.” ~Pauline Boss, grief expert & author The Myth of Closure, in ORPARC's library

Websites

American Society for Reproductive Medicine
The Broken Brown Egg - for families of color
Grief - David Kessler
GrowForth Family Building
Modern Loss - many articles
National Infertility Awareness Week
Resolve - The National Infertility Association & en español
What's Your Grief

Recommended Books & Article

Infertility and pregnancy loss-related grief materials in ORPARC's library and DIGITAL library, including webinars by Robyn Gobbel on Grief in Foster & Adoptive Children & Families

About Grieving During Infertility by Resolve
Adoption After Fertility: Grieving What Could Have Been by National Adoption Council
Adoption Didn’t Cure My Infertility, But It Made Me a Mom by Frances Jones, adoptive parent
Adoption is Not a Cure For Your Infertility by The Anonymous Adoptee
The Challenges of Adoption on the Marital Relationship by The National Health Marriage Resource Center
A Compassionate Guide for Coping with Infertility During the Holidays by CFA
A Second Choice But Not Second Best: Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, & Approval to Adopt by Ericka Schmitt
Considering Adoption After Infertility by National Adoption Council
Coping with Infertility: 5 Steps to Acceptance by American Adoptions
Does Adoption Cure Infertility? by Foster 2 Forever
Facing Infertility by Child Welfare Information Gateway - multiple articles
The Hidden Grief of Secondary Infertility by Blane Bachelor
Honestly Adoption - authors in ORPARC's library
- 5 Things to Consider Before You Adopt After Infertility or Loss
- Finding Hope Through the Devastation of Miscarriage
How to Announce a Pregnancy to Someone Experiencing Infertility by Yesh Tiva
"If Applicable, Resolution of Infertility Issues" by A Musing Maralee, foster adopt & biological parent
The Grief of Non-Death Losses by What's Your Grief
I'm Grieving a Loss by the Center for Loss & Life Transition
The Importance of Fully Grieving Infertility: An Adoptee’s Words by American Adoptions News
The Importance of Resilience in Coping with Infertility by Reina Zatylny
Infertility by Natasha Metzler - many musings, faith-inspired content
Infertility & Grief by Wexner Medical Center
Infertility After Adoption by National Adoption Council
Infertility Changes You by A Musing Maralee, foster adopt & biological parent
Infertility Etiquette by Lifetime Adoption
The Invisibility of Infertility Grief by Tristan D. McBain, Counseling Today - great for professionals!
The Lasting Trauma of Infertility by the New York Times
My Journey from Infertility to Fostering to Adoption by Carla Carlisle
The Pain of Infertility & Why I Won't Adopt by JS Lee, adoptee
Parenting After a Perinatal Loss by Children's Bereavement Center
Resolving Infertility Before Adoption by Susan Kuligowski
So you're infertile, why not just adopt? by Creating a Family
Understanding Parental Postadoption Depression by National Adoption Council
Why Grieving Infertility Is So Important for Hopeful Adoptive Parents by Considering Adoption

Culturally specific

Adoption Didn’t Cure My Infertility, But It Made Me a Mom by Frances Jones, adoptive parent
The Broken Brown Egg - for families of color
The grief of childlessness for those who want kids by Sonia Gupta
Infertility & BIPOC (Black, Indigenous & People of Color) Women by the APA
Infertility Trauma is Racial Trauma: And Implications For Where The Two Meet by Loree Johnson
Native Women and Women of Color on Pregnancy Loss and Grief by Meredith Resnick
Resolve - Recursos Sobre Infertilidad En Español
Sisters In Loss - podcast

Faith-inspired

Adoption is Not a Fix for Infertility by Natasha Metzler, adoptive parent
Faith Supportive Resources by Resolve - multiple faiths
Struggling with Faith: How Infertility Permanently Affected What I Believe by Threads of Anxiety

Videos & Podcasts

But - have you grieved? by Robyn Gobbel - author in ORPARC's library (article + podcast)
Creating a Family (articles + podcasts)
- Infertility Grief After Adoption: The Dirty Little Secret
- Is Infertility Grief & Miscarriage Grief Worse Than Other Types of Grief?
David Kessler Interviews Dr. Melody Moore on Infertility (video)
How do I Cope With Infertility Grief & Loss (many articles + videos)
Infertility & Loss led to foster-to-adopt, the best decision ever by Foster to Forever Podcast
Lavender Luz - author in ORPARC's library (articles + podcasts)
- From Infertility To Openness: The Evolution Of Jessica
- How to Make Room for A Child by Dealing with Infertility Grief with Anne Heffron - adoptee & author in ORPARC's library
- Improve Adoption Now: Rebecca Vahle On The Intersection Of Unplanned Pregnancy & Infertility

Hope & Healing

The Grief of Infertility & digital by Dr. Alan D. Wolfet

Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone

On Grief & Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler

Tapestries of My Heart by Ginny Garrity

And Then There Were Four by Emma Sutton

Crybaby: Infertility, Illness, and Other Things That Were Not the End of the World by Cheryl E. Klein