Talking to Kids About Adoption, Foster Care & Other Hard Things

Explaining adoption, foster care, moving placements or other transitions to kids can be hard to do. Frankly, explaining these concepts to other adults is sometimes harder! Knowing when, how, or how much to tell can feel overwhelming. Fortunately, we have many sources below from adoptees, fosterees, seasoned parents and experts to help you out. Please reference our Adoptee & Foster Voices, All About Me, Celebrations, Holidays & Other Special Occasions, Grief & Loss, Foster Parenting, Life Story Work, Resource Parent Grief, Talking About Race, and Transracial Parenting & Cultural Diversity pages for more resources.

Please note many of the adoption-focused resources below can be adapted to talk about foster care!

"When it comes to talking about adoption, it shouldn’t be 'the conversation' – it should be an open and ongoing process throughout your child’s lifetime." ~Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, adoptee & adoptive parent - author in ORPARC's library

Recommended Books & Articles

Children's and teen's books – read together or aloud – are effective conversation starters. They help kids of all ages feel safe enough to start asking questions. They also give adults concrete language and examples. Talking about adoption in particular is a conversation that goes on across a lifetime. We have many Talking About Adoption (and Foster Care)-related Materials and Transitions Materials in ORPARC's library to support you.

*Our Foster Parenting Resource page also has a section on Transitions.

10 Things Our Kids Need to Hear by Creating a Family
20 Questions Kids Ask About Adoption by Adoptive Families Magazine
30 Questions All Adoptees Want Answered by Adoptive Families Magazine
Adoption and The Truth As Best We Knew It by A Musing Maralee (foster parent)
Adoption Through a Child's Eyes by Lois Melina, Adoptive Families
Celebrations, Holidays & Other Special Occasions - an ORPARC Resource page
Communication Tips by NACAC
Continuum of Development of Adopted Children adapted from Parenthesis Family Advocates
Difficult Conversations by Kim Stevens for C.A.S.E.
Foster Care by Kids Matters, Inc.
Foster Care by Sesame Street - many resources, activities & en español
Helping Caregivers Address a Parent's Absence by Generations United
Helping Children in Foster Care Understand Their Story by AdoptUSKids
Helping Your Children Transition From Foster Care to Adoption by Child Welfare Information Gateway
Honesty In Adoption. Even When its Hard. by Robyn Gobbel - author in ORPARC's library
How to Explain A Move to A Child in Foster Care by Katie Gerten - features transitions-related books in ORPARC's library
How to talk with kids about foster care by Children's Mercy
How to Talk to My Kids About Fostering by Embrella
Ignoring Your Child's Questions About Adoption Doesn't Preserve Their Innocence by A Musing Maralee, foster parent
Permanency is a Process by Indiana Adoption Program
- Transitioning a Child Into Your Home
- Transitioning a Child From Your Home
Positive Adoption Conversations by Adoptive Families - so many articles!
Positive Adoption Language & Why It Matters by Creating a Family
Preparing Children for Transitions by Coalition for Children, Youth & Families
Talking About Adoption by Child Welfare Information Gateway – many articles
Talking About Adoption by Creating a Family - series of multiple articles for different ages
Talking About Adoption With Kids by Adoptive Families Magazine - many articles!
Talking to Adopted Children About Birth Parents and Families of Origin: How to Answer the Hard Questions by Rhonda Jarema, adoptive parent
Talking About Birth Parents and Identity by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, adoptee & adoptive parent - author in ORPARC's library
Talking to Foster Toddlers About Foster Care by A Musing Maralee, foster parent
- Talking to Your Toddler About Foster Care (a child who is already in the home)
Talking to Kids About Adoption by Chaos & the Clutter
Talking With a Child About Their Birth Parent by Generations United
Talking to Your Child About Adoption by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, adoptee & adoptive parent - author in ORPARC's library
Talking to Your Child About Adoption: Recommendations for Parents by Nicole Callahan
Talking to Your Three- to Five-Year-Old About Adoption by Adoptive Families - caveat does not include all-inclusive gender language
Talking to Your Foster Children About Adoption by Considering Adoption
Telling Our Children Their Origin Stories by Kindred & Co.
Telling the Tough Stuff by Dr. Lee Tobin McClain, Adoptive Families Magazine
Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child by Jayne Schooler, adoptive parent
The Evolving Conversation by Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall, Adoptive Families Magazine - many examples for younger kids!

Culturally specific

Other tricky topics for talking with kids about:

Explaining Prenatal Exposure to Your Child by Creating a Family
Incarceration - reference ORPARC's Incarceration Resource page
Mental Health - reference ORPARC's Mental Health Resource page
Race - reference ORPARC's Talking About Race Resource page
Tech & Online Safety - reference ORPARC's Technology & Kids Resource page

Videos & Podcasts

The Art of Talking with Kids by Jockey Being Family (free audio course!)
A Place for You Song by Sesame Street - explains foster care; great for transitions of little ones! (video)
Helping Kids Discover Their Superpowers with Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker on the Robyn Gobbel podcast (both Dr. Wirta-Leiker, adoptee & adoptive parent and Robyn Gobbel are authors in ORPARC's library)
How to Help Your Child Process Their Adoption Story with Melissa Corkum, adoptee & adoptive parent - author in ORPARC's library (article + podcast)
How to Talk About Difficult Birth Histories with Adoptees & Fosterees by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker - author in ORPARC's library (fee-based course)
Jeanette-ically Speaking by Jeanette Yoffe, foster care adoptee (videos) - author in ORPARC's library
- Foster care explained to kids in a way they'll understand - animated
- How to explain adoption to kids? - animated
- How to tell a child their foster care or adoption story - training series with options for different ages, including teens
Navigating Tough Conversations with Your Adopted Child or Teen by Jockey Being Family (free audio course!)
Problematic Adoption Narratives by Adoption Unfiltered (video + transcript)
The Seven Core Issues in Adoption by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker - author in ORPARC's library (fee-based course)
Talking About Adoption at Different Ages and Developmental Levels by C.A.S.E. (podcast)
Telling the Truth to Adopted Kids…Even When Its Hard with adoptee-therapist Marcella Moslow by Robyn Gobbel Podcast - author in ORPARC's library (article + video)
Using Bibliotherapy to Tackle Tough Topics with Darren & Margie Fink, adoptive parents by Adoption Wise Podcast
What Adopted Children Think You Should Know by After Adoption (animated video)
"What is hard about adoption?" by Adoption Unfiltered (video + transcript)

Featured Favorites

Marie Discovers Her Superpowers by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, adoptee & adoptive parent

Room in the Nest: An inclusive foster care story to explain fostering, reunification, kinship care, adoption, long term foster care & the family ...by Holly Marlow, adoptive parent

Delly Duck: Why A Little Chick Couldn't Stay With His Birth Mother by Holly Marlow, adoptive parent & en español

What is Adoption? by Jeanette Yoffe, foster adoptee & en español

What is Foster Care? by Jeanette Yoffe, foster adoptee & en español

Love You From Right Here by Jamie Sandefer, foster adoptive parent

I Am Loved by Kevin Qamaniq-Mason (Inuit), foster adoptive parent

Forever, or a Long, Long Time by Caela Carter, foster parent

A Different Home by John & Kelly DeGarmo foster parents