Lying, Stealing... Confabulation

Lying, stealing, confabulation, and more are irritating behaviors that can really "get our goats." Granted, while some lying is developmentally appropriate, these behaviors can also be complex and far more intricately tied to trauma and disrupted attachments than any of us ever suspected! In fact, they are one of our brain's instinctive (and frustrating!) go-to survival skills. Fortunately, once we understand more of "how" and "why," we can better support our children and ourselves. Please reference our Attachment, Discipline, FASD, Neurodiversity, Sensory Supports and Trauma pages for more resources.

“…think about the last time you lied, and it probably had to do with something like you didn’t feel safe telling the truth.” ~Robyn Gobbel, Trauma & Attachment Therapist and in ORPARC's library

Websites

Child Mind Institute and en español
- Hoarding and Lying
Heather T. Forbes, Beyond Consequences Institute
Jessica Sinarski, Brave Brains and Riley the Brave
Robyn Gobbel, Gobbel Counseling
Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®)

Recommended Books & Articles

Lying/confabulation and/or stealing-related materials in ORPARC's library; please also reference Trauma-related Materials

Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior (DVD) by Robyn Gobbel
Lying, Opposition and Shutting Down: Three Question to Ask When Facing These Challenging Behaviors (DVD) by Robyn Gobbel

Adoptees & Lying: Why Your Adopted Child Might Be Telling Lies by Carrie Goldman - author in ORPARC's library
Antecedents to Lying and Teaching the Truth by Deborah Hage
"Becoming a Behavior Detective" guest blogpost by Jessica Sinarski - author in ORPARC's library at Robyn Gobbel - author in ORPARC's library
Before You React, Remember Their Loss by The Honestly Adoption Company
Confabulation: Why We Generate False Memories by Kendra Cherry, MSed
Is It Lying or Confabulation and How Should I Respond? by AdoptUSKids
Kids Confabulate the Darndest Things by Dr. David Sousa
Responding to Stealing by Lowering Anxiety by NACAC
The Truth About Confabulation by Adoptive Families Association of B.C.
The Truth About Lies by Elizabeth Smith Miller, National Safe Place Network
The Ultimate Parent Guide to Lying by Melissa Corkum, author in ORPARC's library
Understanding Hoarding & Collecting in Children with Attachment Issues by Humble Faith Family Wellness
What Do These Behaviors Mean? by The Coalition for Children, Youth & Families
What To Do When You Catch Your Child Telling a Lie by Imperfect Families
What To Do When Your Child Lies About Everything? by The Honestly Adoption Company
Why Did (Do) I lie? An Adopted Person Tells the Truth by Anne Heffron, adoptee
Why Do Kids Lie? by Dr Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, author in ORPARC's library
Why Is My Child Lying? by Krysten Taprell, The Therapist Parent, Australia
Why Kids Lie and Why It's Not Always Bad by National Geographic

Culturally specific

Cross-Cultural Differences in Children’s Choices, Categorizations, and Evaluations of Truths & Lies by Fu et al
How Does Culture Affect The Way We Tell Lies? by CG
How You Lie Depends on Where You’re From by Sarah Laskow
Where the Truth Lies Across Cultures by Carol Kinsey Goman

Videos & Podcasts

Confabulation: When Lying Isn't Lying by Nate Sheets, Oregon Behavior Consultation (video)
- pair with Discussion Guide: Lying, Confabulation and Distorted Thinking by AdoptUSKids
How Do I Handle Lying? by Dr. Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development
How to Handle Lying and How to Handle Stealing by Cindy Lee, Trauma Informed Parenting (TBRI®) - author in ORPARC's library (video)
Robyn Gobbel Podcast - author in ORPARC's library
- Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior (+ article)
- Stealing: Behavior is Just a Clue (+ article)
What "The Dress" Teaches Us About Lying, FASD and Perception by Nate Sheets, Oregon Behavior Consultation
Why Do Children Lie? by Australian Childhood Trauma group (short video)

Feeling Stuck? Don't Fear, Help Has Arrived!

Try watching Lying As A Trauma Driven Behavior by Robyn Gobbel, Trauma & Attachment Therapist, or Lying, Opposition, & Shutting Down: Three Questions to Ask When Facing These Challenging Behaviors

Lying Up a STORM by Julia Cook

Charley Chatty and the Disappearing Pennies: A story about lying & stealing by Sarah Naish

Dealing with Disrespect Webinar by Jessica Sinarski

Half a World Away by Cynthia Kadohata

Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes, adoptive parent