Discipline

Determining how to help kids be at their best baffles even the most experienced parent! Tried and true strategies that succeed with some kids may not work with those who have experienced trauma, grief and loss. We hear from experts (and seasoned parents!) that the answer is simpler than you'd think: connecting with kids and building closer relationships. Is that easy to do? Of course not! That's why this page is here to help. Please reference our Attachment, Collaborative Problem Solving, Lying/Stealing, Mindfulness, Regulation & Resilience, Play, TBRI®, and Trauma pages for more resources.

“Lectures, scolding, and punishment do not help—in fact, they create even more fear. Fear must be calmed through connection and nurturing before we address specific behaviors.” ~Dr. Karyn Purvis, TBRI® - author in ORPARC's library

Websites

Aha Parenting
Child Mind Institute: Behavior Problems & en español
Collaborative Problem Solving/Think Kids
Confident Parents, Confident Kids
Hands are For Holding
Imperfect Families
Parenting Beyond Punishment
Positive Discipline - many articles + original books in ORPARC's library
Positive Parenting
Spare the Kids
Time-In Tools - so many!(10% discount for foster & adoptive families!)
Zero to Three - Positive Parenting Approaches and Discipline & Limit Setting

Recommended Books & Articles

Discipline-related Materials in ORPARC's library and DIGITAL library, including not-to-miss webinars by Heather Forbes, Mona Delahooke, Robyn Gobbel, Jessica Sinarski and TBRI®!

50 Constructive Alternatives to Detention or Punishment by Confident Parents, Confident Kids
A simple visualization that will dramatically change the way you respond to your kids by Imperfect Families
Arc of the Tantrum by Parenthood Understood & infographic en español!
Are Time-Outs Helpful or Harmful to Young Children? & en español by Zero to Three
Attachment-Informed De-Escalation Techniques by NACAC
"Do Nothing" With Your Children Every Day by Beth Tyson - author in ORPARC's library
End Power Struggles By Giving Your Kid FLAC and Why Giving Your Child Choices Helps With Discipline by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, adoptive parent & adoptee - author in ORPARC's library
Five Ways to Support Someone Through a Meltdown by Michelle Swan, advocate & person/parent with autism
Giving your child a screen may hinder emotional regulation, study says. Here's what to do instead by CNN
I See You by Michelle Halle, LCSW
The Importance of Hugs and Loving Touches by Confident Parent, Confident Kids
Lying/Stealing...Confabulation - an ORPARC Resource page
The Nine Elements of Positive Parenting by AAP-CA3
Generation Mindful (GEN:M) - so many articles
- Breaking the Cycle: A Shift from Punitive to Positive Parenting
- How to Discipline a Toddler Without Time Outs
Play - an ORPARC Resource page
Playful Parenting Builds Better Brains: 10 Tools for Success by Jessica Sinarski - author in ORPARC's library
Slumberkins books in ORPARC's library, Resources & Printables - for kids!
- Change/Transitions, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Courage, & Routines
Reframing Oppositional and Explosive Behavior for Kids by The Brain Building Book - many resources & authors in ORPARC's library
Time Out vs. Time In: Is There a Better Way? by Nurture and Thrive
Time Out vs. Time In: What's the Difference? by Positive Parenting Connection
Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) - an ORPARC Resource page
What the F**K? Why children swear and how to deal with it by Center of Excellence in Child Trauma
What to Avoid When You Discipline a Child with PTSD by Healthy Place
What to do after you survive a meltdown by Amanda Diekman - author in ORPARC's library
What to do when fear brain kicks in as a parent by Jessica Sinarski - author in ORPARC's library
When Kids Don't Want to Talk About What They Did Wrong by Imperfect Parenting

Spanking/corporal punishment related

Against Spanking by Stacey Patton, foster adoptee
Don't Spank Your Children: 10 Reasons to Avoid Corporal Punishment by Aletha Solter, PhD & en español - author in ORPARC's library
The Effect of Spanking by Harvard Graduate School of Education
Five Things You Might Not Know About Spanking (including whether it's ever okay) by Bonnie Schiedel, Today's Parent
NY ban on corporal punishment sparks awareness of practice by New England Psychologist with Dr. Stuart Ablon - author in ORPARC's library
Parenting Beyond Punishment
Research on Spanking's Impacts

Culturally specific

The Movement to End Chancla Culture is About Healing & Reclamation by Latinx Parenting
Spanking Furthers Generational Trauma For Black Families—Here Are 3 Alternatives by Kimanzi Constable
Spare the Kids by Stacey Patton, foster adoptee
Transforming Your Authoritarian Roots with Leslie Arreola-Hillenbrand by Mindful Mama Podcast
Why Black People Should Stop Spanking Their Kids by Tomi Akitunde featuring foster adoptee Stacey Patton's book
Why Millennial Latinx Parents Are Saying Goodbye to Chancla Culture by Claudia Rupcich, Irina Gonzalez & Karell Roxas

Videos & Podcasts

5 Minute Kickstart Your NVC with Kids by Cup of Empathy
The five-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better by NPR (article & podcast)
Attachment Based Discipline by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker - author in ORPARC's library (fee-based course)
Australian Childhood Trauma Group (short videos)
- Credits in the Vase - Changing a Child's Internal Working Model
- Punishment vs Discipline (and trauma)
Hands are For Holding - videos on parenting to research and more!
The Honestly Adoption Company Podcast + more - authors in ORPARC's library
- How to Look Beyond Behavior and Connect Deeply With Your Child
- What Can I Say When My Child Misbehaves?
- Why Won't My Child Complete A Task?
- Why Won't My Child Respect Boundaries?
How to Avoid Triggering and Being Triggered by Our Kids with Dr. Tripp Ake - free course courtesy of Jockey!
Low Demand Parenting Podcast with Amanda Diekman - author in ORPARC's library
Making Sense of Your Child's Challenging Behavior with a Brain-First Lens by Eileen Devine, LCSW (webinar) - trainer in ORPARC's library
Nonviolent Communication with Your Triggered Kid by Cup of Empathy
Positive Discipline & Stress Free Parenting - so many free courses & articles!
Prevention, Preparation & Positive Connection for Common Behavioral Struggles by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker - author in ORPARC's library (fee-based course)
Punishment Vs. Discipline (and trauma) by Australian Childhood Trauma Group (short video)
Robyn Gobbel Podcast + articles - author in ORPARC's library
- From Correction to Connection: This Dad's Journey with JD Wilson
- Parenting Superpower! X-Ray Vision
- What Behavior Really Is and How To Change It
- What's Up With Rude, Disrespectful Behaviors
What is Aggressive Behavior? What Can You Do? by Jeanette-ically speaking - author in ORPARC's library

Dive into effective discipline strategies!

Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors by Robyn Gobbel

Brain-Body Parenting by Dr. Mona Delahooke

Spare the Kids by Stacey Patton, foster adoptee

It Starts with You by Nicole Schwarz

Dealing with Disrespect Webinar by Jessica Sinarski

Opposition Defiance & Control by Robyn Gobbel

No-Drama Discipline & en español by Daniel Siegel

Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler

Teeth are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick, part of the Best Behavior series